Have you ever had a moment in your life when you felt like you had no control of what’s going on around you. Maybe it was just for a moment, but maybe you’re living in a reality where you know you won’t have control over the next several days or even months? I’m currently in one of those situations. I’m taking care of a sick loved one and my whole life had to change in an instant. The anxiety can be very real but I’m learning day by day that’s it’s possible to control it and to overcome it. This is how I do it…
Before I get into this post I want to let everyone know I’m in living a reality that’s quite common. There are so many people in the world who have this responsibility thrown into their hands and they manage. I have a loving family who is extremely supportive and helpful. But anyone who suffers from anxiety knows, one of our biggest triggers, at least for me, is not having control. Not knowing how long something can last, not knowing the outcome, just not feeling like I have the answers I want and need. That has always been a huge issue for me… having control over everything.
Now someone who doesn’t struggle with this might misunderstand being a controlling person over having control. They are two very different things. My anxiety triggers when I don’t have control over MY own life, never the life of others. I like knowing I can chose the job I want, live where I would like to, eat what I enjoy and when I please. These are some of the examples I mean by having “control”. I need structure and routine, the moment that goes out of balance is when anxiety comes creeping right in.
I have been living in this reality for almost three months now and my anxiety has come in waves that have been unbearable. I’m writing this post because you never know what happens in life and if I can help anyone who is going through something similar that would be amazing. Also if you are, please please comment below, you have no idea how much you can help me as well.
Now, I want to get into the good stuff. The stuff that helps you get the control back. Routine. It’s not easy. I want to start by that. When you build a life for yourself that you’re proud of and have been enjoying, it’s difficult to let it go and start a new one. But you have to. There is no other way. You need to find things that make you happy and fulfilling even when you don’t feel like you have the strength and energy to do it. I couldn’t get a handle on this for the first few weeks. Everything was so all over the place and having to try to find a balance anywhere was nearly impossible. This is where my planner came into play. I used to keep a planner for my week quite handy. It wasn’t something I did every single day and wrote down every little detail, but it framed my week for me to know what needed to get done and by when. Now, I use that planner for everything. I even write down small things to set aside for me to do that I know will bring me happiness, like painting. This sets my day and makes me feel like I not only have a routine but I have that control and that immediately calms my nerves.
Exercising is also something that shouldn’t be taken lightly. It really helps with lowering your stress levels and getting that frustration out. It’s an amazing outlet and in the end it also really helps you stay healthy. I also make sure to find “me” time. I mentioned painting before, those are one of my projects to keep my mind relaxed during all the stress but also making sure to find time to watch the next episode of your favorite series, or take an hour to read the next chapter of the book you picked up. Whatever it is that makes you happy, do it.
Before I end this post I want to also talk about accepting not having control. Being okay with your current situation. You have to allow yourself to let go. Allow yourself to also feel sad about whatever you’re going through. It’s okay to feel bad for yourself. I’m someone who really never allowed myself to feel bad for me. I never wanted to feel like a victim or that I need pity from anyone, including myself. I would tell myself always to suck it up, be an adult and deal with it. I never allowed myself a moment to cry because I was sad about the situation I was living. Then I learned it’s part of the process of accepting that life can be difficult and test you. Just because you need a few moments to cry and just feel shitty, doesn’t mean you’re weak. Not at all. I hope that’s something that can really stick with you the next time you’re going through a difficult time. It’s okay to be sad and to express it.
Please let me know in the comments below if any of this was helpful for you. I really want to build a community where we can be open and honest about how we struggle and how we can help ourselves!
Photo Credit: Julian Jagtenberg from Pexels